ISleepInADrawer.com

Dumbfoundment

I'm always amazed by the individuals who expect King County Metro to cater solely to their needs. They're confounded as to why they must wait at the bus stop (like myself, or any other ordinary citizen... gasp), while plenty of worthy buses and shuttles fully capable of stopping and picking them up simply whiz by.

Take, for example, a woman I used to encounter almost daily whilst taking either the southbound 70 or the southbound 66 Express to work. I call her Dumpy Sweater Lady, for she has the odd habit (even in those warm Seattle summers) of wearing oversized "loud" sweaters that could stun a yak at fifty paces.

Scene: Bus stop north of the University Bridge, morning. Myself, Dumpy Sweater Lady, and several other nameless bus-waiters stand braced against the elements.

Traffic streams down Roosevelt Way. A UW Health Sciences Shuttle passes, on its way to the UW Medical Center.
Dumpy Sweater Lady: "But... why does it turn?... No!!! I want it to take me downtown!"
Me [Inner Monologue]: "Jesus, lady. It's taking patients to the UW hospital... They probably all need retinal replacement surgery after looking at your horrid sweater... Hey! Maybe a few of them vomited on it. That design does somewhat resemble bile, if I squint hard enough."

Behind us, a Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) shuttle whizzes past onto the bridge.
Dumpy Sweater Lady [reaching out towards the shuttle, much like a baby in its high chair reaches out for the food it sees mom and dad eating]: "No!... ungh... Why does it pass? Why won't it stop and pick me up? I want to go on it! Me! I want to go on that bus! And I don't want to go to SCCA. I want to go to downtown. But it won't stop. It's not fair!"
Me [Inner Monologue]: "Jeez, lady. God forbid they should take patients and workers to do cancer research. Plus, it's not a bus - it's a shuttle. And did you not see how the shuttle wasn't even on this f*cking road?!"

Northbound 9 and 70 route buses pass on the other side of the road.
Dumpy Sweater Lady [stomping up-and-down]: "Ungh... NO! They should turn around and pick me up! WHY should they finish their routes? I want to go now!"
A 73 Express whizzes past on its way to Interstate 5.
Dumpy Sweater Lady: "WHY can't the Express route buses stop here, to? I don't want to walk to an express bus stop. They're too far away! They should come HERE."
Me [Inner Monologue]: "Lady, you're an axis of evil. There's an express bus stop half a block away. It'll take you to better stops 'downtown' than the 66 Express will. Roll your plump self over there."

Notice how my rage builds... climaxing to personal insults I keep to myself.
[You: "But James... you're not keeping them to yourself now! You just published them on the internet!" Me: "Shut it." Homer: "Ohhhh... they have the internet on computers now!..."]

Fear not. I haven't seen her in weeks. Ever since she threw a hissy-fit over the bus driver asking her to give up her seat and move one row back so a dude in a wheelchair could get on board. Maybe she's been banned from King County Metro. Or maybe she empathically sensed my building rage and thought, for her own personal health, that walking the extra half block to the express bus stop was worth the expended energy (ATP, biologists!). Fool.

Posted by James at December 12, 2003 11:29 AM