Sure, my dad’s getting married and all… but who wants to hear about that when I have Canadian adventures to report! Drinking, food, falling Liberal ratings in pre-election polls, and FOUR ferry rides!
Actually, perhaps I should make a slight point… "Canadian adventures" might be a big misleading. They were adventures, of course, by my definition – I was going somewhere new and having fun. But, we were restricted entirely to Victoria which, as all good geographers know, is on the southern tip of Vancouver Island. So, Victoria adventures:
Friday
--Ferry to Bainbridge, then drove to Port Angeles… highlights included mistaking a tiny country bridge for the titanic Hood Canal Bridge, inadvertently yelling at complete strangers while attempting to park at an Indian restaurant, and peeing in Bainbridge Island.
--Cheap hotel. Early departure.
Saturday
--Stash the car at the world’s shadiest $5-a-day-lot (but my car was intact by the end of it… not that a Buick Century is much to steal, though), and take the world’s smallest ferry from Port Angeles to Victoria.
--Drag our luggage to the most interesting retro-1970s hotel just north of the downtown and beg to be checked in two hours early.
--Careful examination of Canadian money. I love currency.
--Royal British Columbia Museum! I almost fell into the life-size First People dwelling model, hit my head on a totem pole, tripped on the steps in fake Chinatown, and got pissed at the little kids for not letting me pan for gold with them. F*ckers. Santa doesn’t reward the greedy, kiddos. The First People exhibits were marvelous, as was the British Columbia history section.
--Dinner at a pay-by-weight Vegetarian/almost Vegan establishment that was so heavenly for it’s cheapness that I vowed to return two nights later and shovel more goodness onto those blessedly light plates. Food in general was so cheap in Victoria!
--A lesson in pre-election blunders made by Canada’s governing Liberals. The Basics: Ontario’s Premier broke an anti-tax election promise and put health care premiums on the latest budget… and unfortunately this scandal coincides with the PM calling early elections. Minority government, anyone?
--With much painful searching, we finally located Victoria’s only gay bar, Prism. Hell, we even (accidentally) found the local bathhouse before Prism fell into sight. It was pretty nice, and filled up as the evening went by… as the only gay bar, I was gratified to see All Kinds there – all ages, races, body types, wealth, etc. The stars must’ve aligned as well, for we even talked to a few couples… after I’d had four or five drinks, of course. It also took me about ten minutes to order a beer, since I didn’t know what any of them were.
"Can I have a Mack and Jack’s, please?"
"Oh, you MUST be American."
Sunday
--More lessons in politics from Canadian TV stations. I took pleasure in the anti-Bush subtleties and decided once and for all that the entrenched two-party system that’s crippled the United States sucks ass. A parliamentary system has its flaws too, of course, but at least other parties have… well… a freaking CHANCE to get their hands on government.
--Crystal Gardens: exotic birds pooping, flamingoes, tiny monkeys (I desperately wanted to take home), butterflies galore, noisy primates (including the spoiled American children), golden fish, snakes, exotic plants. I 'bout crapped my pants with glee.
--The long walk west to Craigdarroch Castle, the gardens of Government House, and the Art Gallery of Greater Victoria. Awesome, gorgeous, and insightful. The art gallery had an exhibit of Manchu Era goodies… again, I 'bout crapped my pants with glee. I saw a cute guy on the way up and fell off the curb. I also got vertigo looking down the huge staircase in the castle. Go James, go.
--Dinner at Don Mee’s in Chinatown. Hey, if Pierce Brosnan’s eaten there, so can I!
--Walks along the harbour, one hilarious street performer ("Hi, I come from Canada; I come in peace. Please mind the fire sticks I’m juggling."), and watching the provincial legislature building light up at night.
--Gelato and coffee go well with discussions of Canadian politics.
Monday
--Toured the provincial legislative building. Unfortunately, most of my fellow Americans on the tour were embarrassingly uneducated on the basics of… everything?
Tour Guide: "Some of you may not know that Canada is not made up of states. Instead, we have provinces."
American woman, whispering to her husband: "Are there fifty?"
My Internal Monologue: "Jesus Christ. Ten provinces, and three territories. Not that many to remember, ma’am. Lucky for you there isn’t a test at the end."
American man: "Why aren’t their provinces all the same size? That’s so stupid. Why wouldn’t they make them the same size?"
My Internal Monologue: "I have five words for you, sir: Rhode Island, Delaware, Texas, Alaska."
American man: "Why is Victoria the capitol, when it isn't the largest city? That's how we do it in America."
My Internal Monologue: "Ass. I guess that makes Los Angeles the capitol of California, Houston the captiol of Texas, Seattle the capitol of Washington, and Chicago the capitol of Illinois. Are you going to assert now that Albany is larger than New York City?"
American woman: "And why make it the capitol when it isn't in the middle of the province? We do it like that in America..."
My Internal Monologue: "Carson City, Lincoln, Madison, Lansing, Tallahassee... Shall I go on?"
Tour Guide: "As you may know, the provincial legislatures here in Canada are made up of one house, not two."
American man, mumbling: "That’s un-democratic. No American would tolerate that."
My Internal Monologue: "Ass. Nebraska has a unicameral legislature. Everyone knows that."
Our tour guide was very patient. Afterwards, while Zach took snaps of the dome, stained glass windows, and whatnot, I followed around a second tour of folks from Québec because their tour guide was absolutely gorgeous. I thought about asking him for French lessons.
--Shopping, including several chocolate stores.
--Tea at Murchie’s.
--Dinner back at the Vegetarian establishment (though I actually got LESS food, if you can believe that).
--With some time to kill, saw The Day After Tomorrow. Hey, give me a break! Movies are MUCH cheaper to see in Canada, and Jake Gyllenhaal is beauteous.
Tuesday
--German bakery.
--A reluctant ferry ride back to Port Angeles, discussing Canada’s military spending boosts proposed by Conservative leader Stephen Harper.
--The long drive back to Seattle, planning our next Canadian adventures.
They say Alaska's state motto is "North to the future". The same works for Canada; maybe we’ll just work our way east, and hit Alberta next.
Oh, I also fell down in the provincial legislature. Twice.
Unicameral legislature in Nebraska . . . no shit??
Posted by: Matt at June 4, 2004 06:57 AM