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To the Podium

Democrats, take two:

Great Speaker Night has ended. Barack Obama is beyond amazing. Oh, how I wish wish WISH I had not left Illinois!... It is shameful and crippling to my soul that I will not get to cast a vote for him. It is shameful and crippling to my soul that I no longer reside in the Great State of Illinois.

JRU's CW:

--Too many shots of the crowd looking bored... or worse, SLEEPING. And need we see so many people walking around just because Dick Gephardt is at the podium?

--I've heard about the lives of John Kerry and John Edwards time and again. Now, let's get to the policies, shall we? We're halfway through the convention, and I promise you I'll vote Democrat come November, but please PLEASE give us (especially those undecided voters in Ohio and Florida) SOME POLICY PLANS. An outline, a few bullet points, or even some notes sketched on a napkin will suffice. Too many folks were saying, "Who's John Kerry?" Now, they're asking, "What can John Kerry do in the White House?" No vague optimisms... I want charts and graphs.

Simon Says:

Senator Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts: Eddie, my man, have you lost weight? Lookin' good, lookin' good. Less red-in-the-face and less bulging-neck. Heck, you look kind of like my father did before he dropped a ton of weight from diabetes and a severe attack of exercise. As for the speech, you are SUCH the Keeper of Democratic Orthodoxy. Some of the usual eyebrow-raising criticisms, but loved the We-Are-All-In-This-Together theme, and the John Adams prayer. I expected you to envoke Langston Hughes' "Dream Deferred" with your "dreams denied." A little poetry does wonders for the cracking voice. Unfortunately, the George III/George W. connection was laughable. But, as always, nice suit.

Representative Dick Gephardt of Missouri: You know, Dick, sometimes you scare me. If possible, sometimes you're TOO Democratic for me. I can't put my finger on it, but something about you gives me a strange Oompa-Loompa vibe. That said, pat yourself on the back for a well-written speech... although it regurgitated everything you've already said about labor unions, your blue collar background, universal health care, etc. You scared one liberal labmate of mine into thinking you're a Communist. Watch the language there, buddy. Great Dr. King quotation. Here's the scary part: Of all the politicians out there... of all of them... I identify with you most. You Southerner/Midwesterner - uncomfortable with the microphone, and uncomfortable without it. Hating and loving the limelight, yet passionately trying to make everyone love you. Here's hoping I never take interest in politics.

Senator Tom Daschle of South Dakota: Good if-we-can-rebuild-Iraq-why-can't-we-keep-up-America contrast. Like the Take-Back-the-Senate routine... But tread lightly. Bonus: I now know that those who live in South Dakota are known as "South Dakotans."

Former Ambassador Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois and Alabama: Sadly, they didn't broadcast you. How dare they skip Great Ones from Illinois.

Dr. Howard Dean of Vermont: Two words: LONG ovation. Four words: Shifty eyes, nice smile. Six words: You are obviously here to stay.

Governor Janet Napolitano of Arizona: Hellooooo, rising party star. First, let's make your state more Democratic. Next, we'll talk about Richardson-Napolitano tickets.

Senator Dick Durbin of the Great State of Illinois: Man, I love Illinois. He's one of two reasons.

State Senator Barack Obama of the Great State of Illinois, Federal Senate Candidate, and Keynote Speaker: And here's the other reason. One word: Transcendence. Another word: Humble. Active, and combining the two most critical aspects of a Great Human Being (According to James). Perfection... sheer perfection.

Ronald Reagan, Jr. of Washington: Embryonic stem cell research... not the most gripping topic for a convention, but an absolute necessity. I never thought I would hear words like "tissue culture", "dopamine", "nucleus", and "cell." It's a bit too omptimistic, since the research has been kept in its infancy. It's not as crystal-ball-clear as he would have us believe; but, as junior said, "We only need to TRY." "The theology of a few should not be used to stall the health and well-being of the many." Preach on, brother. [P.S.: Rumor has it you live in Magnolia, Seattle. Let's do lunch.]

Chris Heinz of Pennsylvania: Adorable. Momma would be proud. Thought about Congress?

Teresa Heinz Kerry of Pennsylvania: Momma IS proud. And I love you, too. Five languages, eh? French, Italian, English, Portuguese, and Spanish. I'm impressed. "Opinionated", eh? Again, I'm impressed. Immigrant, eh? You go, girl. Married to Senator Kerry, eh? Let's hear some facts, policies, figures, and a few touching anecdotes.

Hell, let's hear that from ALL of you!

Posted by James at July 27, 2004 10:39 PM