I have several online encyclopedias bookmarked in my web browser. If I had the space to store them and the money to purchase them, I would buy a new set of encyclopedias each year. And yes, I'd keep the old sets, too. Actually, I'd have to alternate which company I'd buy my encyclopedias from each year. For the first year of encyclopedia purchases, I'd pick whichever company has the most interesting and detailed maps in their volumes. After all, what good is a map of Liberia if you can't see the counties? Sheesh.
I'm pretty sure I can blame this little quirk, along with so much more of what-is-me, on ma and pa. While I can't recall the precise incident, I can imagine it unfolded thus:
1. Little James wonders something.
2. Little James asks ma and/or pa about the something he's wondering.
3. Ma and/or pa, either from lack of knowledge or preoccupation with other tasks, tells/tell Little James to "look it up."
4. Little James walks to the library down the street and looks it up in an encyclopedia.
5. Little James starts making regular trips to the library just to read encyclopedia entries and Garfield books.
6. Ma, one volume at a time, purchases an entire set of the 1989 edition of the Grolier Encyclopedia of Knowledge, complete with (nearly detailed) world atlas, guide to the U.S. Presidents, and a family medical guide, from a Jewel Osco in Moline, IL.
I beam with pride to think how many hours of my youth (and adulthood) I spent reading and re-reading those volumes rather than participating in organized sports (I had a gruesome childhood in that department). Of course, I stopped now and then to
A. play in orchestras, so I can complete the journey to the dark side and get my Nerd Badge,
B. read other things, and finally
C. be gay
But, other than that, it was basically the encyclopedias. How else would I gain an interest in Israeli politics, taxonomy, and the number of prostitutes Hector Berlioz allegedly slept with?
In my adult-like childhood, the internet has made this a vicious cycle. No longer must I gloss over the U.S.S.R. article in Grolier when a question comes up about the Russian Federation... now I have MIGHTY ONLINE ENCYCLOPEDIA. Every man's tool for the 21st century. It's become a bit of a vicious cycle. It begins with one of these two phrases popping up:
1. "I don't know [insert thing]..."
2. "I wonder why/how/who/what [insert thing]..."
Then, it's off to the computer to find out why/how/who/what. It's too bad I don't have this motivation all set for graduate school: I'd be halfway to a Nobel. Instead, I spend my evenings looking up Indian prime ministers, the origins of the names of Mexican states, and the cladistic relationships between simians and prosimians. But, I drink a beer at the same time so I feel cooler.
Finally, tonight, I broke the cycle. While talking on the phone with Zach, he said something that floored me:
"I'll be over later on... I want to watch the game first."
The game?!?!
Ignoring how unZach-like that phrase was, I kindly inquired what game he was referring to. I shouldn't have asked, since I got a five minute basketball lecture. Basically, Zach could be in the lead for his office basketball pool if IL beats UNC tonight. I've been getting calls or IMs every five minutes for the past hour with the "latest updates" on these weird things called "baskets" and "fouls" and "possessions." I finally became so confused that Zach said, "Why don't you look it up on Wikipedia or something?"
And then, it hit me: I'm not looking it up because I don't care about basketball. I don't want to learn about this. It finally happened... I broke the cycle! An "I don't know" without a quick trip to the encyclopedia!
Unfortunately, UNC beat IL, so prospects aren't good for Zach's office pool. He'll need some cheering up when he gets over here in about five minutes. I'm guessing the news that I wasn't motivated to use the online encyclopedia won't lift his spirits. Nor do I expect that the fact that I'm only half way through my second beer (so I'm still feelin' pretty cool) will perk him up.
I'm stretching here, but I may have to try a lecture on the similarities and differences between the Tasmanian Devil and the Tasmanian Tiger.
Posted by James at April 4, 2005 08:33 PM