Recently, Cookie Monster on Sesame Street began telling America's youth (I suppose I should count myself in that category, too) that cookies, though good, are really a "sometimes food." Good show, Cookie Monster.
I suppose it's the same with me and Nintendo. A "sometimes activity." With almost distrubing therapeutic properties. Now, perhaps once a month, I subject the old NES (or sometimes SNES) to a thorough work-out. Well, not exactly thorough... but quality. While I'm playing, I don't seem to be concentrating on the game, exactly... I go through the motions, but find my mind wandering to other matters. Ordering my head. Who knew Star Tropics could be so beneficial? That damn magic yo-yo does EVERYTHING.
Last evening, and again this morning, ended up as "sometimes Nintendo" hours. My mind was ordered (though I doubt neural pathways were re-routed, alas), and the take-home message: "You'll be okay."
With all the change looming in my world, I'd been moving from "calm and centered" to "slightly apprehensive and frankly peeved." Sure, I'm excited to move, end my job this summer, and begin graduate school. But... hell, though it sounds good on paper, I'm not a person who changes well. So, I've been thinking a lot over the past week... concerning how exactly all of this will play out. I wasn't, quite frankly, getting anywhere. Well, that's a lie. I was getting plenty of logistical thinking done... how to do this... how to accomplish that, etc. But, James' soul (I'm pretty sure I have one) wasn't catching up to all of the changes, plans, and so forth. I was feeling tired, restless, and anxious.
But suddenly, whatever introspection I was capable of while playing Nintendo, things began to fall into place. The conclusions are simple enough to induce laughter: "I will be okay." What the hell does that mean? Well, I'll move on 1 July, set up a (hopefully quality) primate dwelling with Zach (minus piano, unfortunately). Then, sometime in the late summer, I'll depart my job, and hopefully do a little traveling to see some friends before late September rolls around. Finally, come late September, I'll start graduate school... and... well... I'll go from there.
Yeah, it's a pretty simple progression of events. But, my mind didn't grasp hold of it until... well... last evening. At first, it seemed like a daunting task - so much change in so little time! Now, though, it's something I can wrap my brain around, think about, and begin to accomplish a little at a time. My housemates are already showing my room today to an interested party. Yes, that meant some cleaning (just a little!). And, I thought, since I'll need to start organizing and packing things eventually, I might as well start now. I began to take a few things off the walls (if you know me, you'll know that my walls are often covered... I don't do well with negative space), but not too much. I didn't want to end up with blank walls to stare at for the next six weeks. But, I felt like I was accomplishing something - moving towards that 1 July goal. Now, it seems that, one small step at a time, I'll indeed get this done. I suppose it's easier for me to do tasks like these in small pieces. Little-by-little. I've heard enough from other friends concerning "marathon packing weekends." While I'm sure I'll have some marathon packing as 1 July looms, I feel much more centered doing at least some of this bit-by-bit.
As for graduate school, though I admitted to a current graduate student on the bus the other day that I still "have no idea what I've gotten myself into," I'm more optimistic these days. At a co-workers bowling birthday bash yesterday, I spoke with two current graduate students about what I'll be getting into this autumn. Both were frank, yet encouraging. They acknowledged that it's daunting, but, being friends who know me pretty well, also pointed out that it's something I'll be able to handle. I've also been speaking to another graduate student who, while I can't place him in the "friend" category, I'll easily put in the "acquaintance" pile. All-in-all, yes: it'll be tough and time-consuming, but I'm feeling more that this is something I can get through, and still go home at night to my primate dwelling and tickle Zach.
Also, at that bowling gathering yesterday, I re-discovered that I'm a sh*tty bowler. Yet, I like to bowl. Contradiction? Perhaps.
But, then I went home, cleaned a little more, played a little Star Tropics, and suddenly all the cards fell into place.
Damn. That magic yo-yo can do anything.
Posted by James at May 15, 2005 08:07 AM