Friday morning, I exited my dentist's office elated. For, you see, my latest dentist is
1. all-knowing
2. kind and laid-back
3. quite handsome.
Plus, I only had one cavity to fill. Considering some of my recent dental experiences, this was a breath of fresh air.
I was so elated that I felt the need to call Zach and deliver the good news, while I waited for a U. District bus to ferry me to work. I did not notice the homeless man who was already at that stop. But, I did after a few moments. While talking to Zach, I heard...
"Excuse me, sir?..." I look up. "You could be normal and join the rest of us by taking off those glasses.... What, you think you're better than us? That's why you wear those glasses, isn't it? You're so F***ING SMUG SUPERIOR that you have to wear glasses. Would it be too much to ask you to remove your glasses and act normal so I can punch you in the face for being so smug and superior?"
At this point, my weird-sh*t-o-meter was off the charts. And, yes, I was still on the phone with Zach. I'd quit responding to Zach (whatever he was talking about), but he just kept going.
So, in one ear, Zach was agreeing with me that our new dentist rocks. In the other year, an increasingly unstable homeless man was berating me for being a four-eye:
"Sir, if you don't remove those glasses, I'll do it for you. People like you need to know that those glasses aren't going to save you! You have to remove those glasses. YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THOSE GLASSES. Is it too much to ask that you quit being superior by wearing your glasses? Jesus Christ! Just be normal like the rest of us!"
At this point, I'm pretty sure Zach could hear this as well as I could, as the man was shouting louder and louder. Zach, I believe, assumed it was merely a nearby conversation, and that I was in no way involved.
Alas, I was involved:
"Excuse me, sir. You have to remove those glasses. YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THOSE GLASSES. I hate you for wearing glasses and refusing to be normal like the rest of us. What, you think you're better than the rest of us. YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THOSE GLASSES. I'll bet if you take them off you'll be normal like the rest of us and then I can punch that arrogant face of yours. I hate you! I HATE YOU! Take off those Goddamned glasses! I'm not wearing them and I'm normal. You be normal so you won't be superior and so I can... can... punch you!"
At this point, I multi-tasked, listening to both Zach and my new glasses-loathing companion, and hastily reading the posted schedule, only to see that my bus wasn't coming for another ten minutes.
Ten minutes of listening to this guy? He was approaching ever closer. For the first time in my two years in Seattle, there wasn't a U. District cop around. So, a strategic retreat was called for.
I walked five blocks down to the next stop. My companion followed at first, but stop a half block down the road to yell at a heavyset man for his Coke-bottle glasses.
On my way down to the second stop, I met a law enforcement officer, and informed him of the homeless man. He asked me to describe the man, and I did the best I could. But, I didn't forget to include, albeit with a note of smug superiority, that the homeless man was also wearing
[wait for it...]
a bright, blue, shiny pair of glasses.
Posted by James at July 24, 2005 11:51 AM