March 11, 2006
Kennel
Zach and I went to the Seattle Kennel Club dog show today at Qwest Center. It was intended as a treat for Zach more than for me (my treat, for reference, was the RV show I dragged him to last month). I'd never been to a dog show, but Zach grew up with pet dogs all through childhood and, though we both adore our bitchy cat more than she likes us (those claws really are effective), it's become increasingly clear that Zach misses the "buddyness" he'd get from his father's "overfed, spoiled" Chesapeake Bay Retrievers. On the ride to Pioneer Square/the International District, I bemoaned to Zach that I won't know many dog breeds.
Me: "But, I've a few breeds down: hounds, Norwich Terriers, and Vizslas."
Zach: "Uh, I don't think 'hounds' are a breed, Jim. They're a group."
Me: "Oh. What's that mean?"
Zach: "There are many types of hound."
Me: "Oh. Then just Norwich Terriers and Vizslas, then."
As a result, once we got there and browsed the judging schedule, I begged Zach to let me go see Vizslas and Norwich Terriers. It turns out we'd already missed the Vizslas, but we ran over to the Norwich Terriers, only to discover that what the Seattle Kennel Club labeled as Norwich Terriers weren't what my brain labeled as Norwich Terriers.
Zach: "What were you thinking of, then?"
Me: "I don't know! They're similar in size but the fur is... different."
Zach: "How so?"
Me: "Uh..."
I saw one out of the corner of my eye and ran to it, and its owner. Both woman and dog were jovial, but I was too apprehensive to admit my ignorance and as her the name of her dog's breed.
Woman: "Oh, are you guys looking? Or do you own this cutsie's siblings?!"
My first thought was to make up an elaborate lie. Something along the lines of, "Of COURSE we own her [I was able to discern that much, at least] relatives! I was just coming to check out the competition..." But no. Though I've seen Best in Show, we'd been at the show for less than fifteen minutes and I wasn't feeling comfortable enough to duel these folks on their terms. Plus, this woman looked nothing like Cookie Fleck.
Instead, I decided on a medium-lie. Something like, "Oh, just looking. We've two dogs already, Bethlehem and Gupta. Gupta's a hound, which - you know - is a 'group', not a 'breed.'"
But, as usual, my vocal chords spurted out: "Uh... um... er.... no? No, I don't know dogs. Er, own dogs. Any... for right now. I never have. He has."
At this point, I indicated awkwardly in Zach's direction, who was eyeing well-marked exits.
I continued, words flowing in a stressed, exhaustive, and epileptic delivery, somewhat reminiscent of the video showing then-American President George H.W. Bush vomiting and passing out on then-Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa: "Er... but... dogs - I like! Could... have... one... someday in a different apartment. Cat right now."
Suddenly, I regained my composure, and decided to engage this woman in conversation, winging it until she said the name of her dog's breed, the breed that I'd thought was a Norwich Terrier.
Woman: "So are you considering something like her?"
Sh*t. Five thousand people in this hall right now, and I pick Ms. I-won't-say-my-dog's-breed-name.
Me: "Uh, yeah... I've always loved... 'cutsie.'"
For the record, a small part of me died when I said 'cutsie.'
Woman: "Oh, then you can't go wrong with someone like this cutsie! Cairns have a slight independent streak, if you can handle that, but very curious and generally jovial."
Ah ha! Cairns! That's the breed-I-thought-was-Norwich-Terrier! As far as I was concerned, I was done with the conversation there. But, I chatted with the woman for a few more minutes about Cairns, and held on long enough to learn that the Cairns had also been judged already. After letting me take a snapshot, she departed with a jolly, "Enjoy the show!"
But, we went over to the Cairn booth and played with them long enough to realize that, though they look cute, they don't feel as soft and cuddly. And Zach wasn't getting a high reading on his "buddyness" factor. We continued our browsing through the breed booths until we came upon a breed that we both thoroughly enjoyed. Zach bonded with the puppies, while I bonded with a few older specimens to such an extend that, as we left, Zach noticed that I had their slobber and saliva all over my pants:
Yes, we'd bonded with bulldogs. Spirited, slobbering, docile, grunting specimens of bulldog.