James: "I had a rule today that I tried to follow."
Zach: "Oh yeah. And what was that?"
James: "I tried to get through the day without mentioning our cat to anyone."
*pause*
Zach: "Kitty?"
James: "Yes, Kitty."
Zach: "Uh, do you mention her often?"
James: "Sometimes. And I'm pretty sure it's annoying to others when I do. I don't want to be one of those freaky 'cat people', where that's all I talk about."
Zach: "I'm sure that's not the case."
James: "I don't know. You know I'm not really good at talking to people about stuff that's interesting to them. Besides, aren't you annoyed when we talk about her?"
Zach: "No. Kitty's fun."
James: "Well, I tried to get through the day without mentioning her."
Zach: "Well, good for you."
*pause*
Zach: "Wait, you 'tried'?"
James: "Yeah... lasted 'til almost 4:00PM."
Zach: "Who'd you finally mention it to?"
James: "Amy and Eric. We were just talking and... it... it just happened. It just... well, it just... fell out!"
Zach: "What'd you tell them?"
James: "Not much. I just started with how she woke us up at 3:00AM because she tried to jump from the window to the bed, but got her leg caught in the Venetian blind cord and fell--and then how we were all confused because we'd just been woken up and didn't know what the hell had happened--and then how I'd gotten up and tried to untangle her from the chord, but she panicked, and then I panicked--and then how you had to untangle her, but you didn't have your glasses on and it took a long time--and then how we calmed her down and tried to go back to sleep, but I kept laughing because I suddenly thought the whole thing was funny."
Zach: "Oh."
James: "And then how last night she kept meowing and we didn't know why--and then how she tried to spray on the carpet and I tossed her outside because I didn't want the den to smell like cat pee--and then how we talked about how she probably doesn't like to use the litter box because she wants to spray outside all the time."
Zach: "Uh..."
James: "And then about how she's so vocal--and also how-"
Zach: "Wait. All this just 'fell out'?"
*pause*
James: "Well, yeah."
*pause*
James: "Well... I... uh... It was like Moses in the Bible... when he comes down from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments, only to find that Aaron and the Israelites had, in his absence, used the gold and jewels the Egyptians had given them (after the Tenth Plague and Passover to get them to leave Egypt faster) and melted them all down to make two golden calves to worship. And Moses got so pissed that he smashed the stone tablets, and then had to go back up the mountain to get them again. You know... I'm sure Moses didn't mean to break them. It's just that, once he started, he couldn't stop. It just sorta..."
Zach: "...fell out?"
James: "Exactly!"
Zach: "Uh, just like you talking about the cat?"
James: "Well... yeah!"
*pause*
Zach: "Were they upset?"
James: "Who, the Israelites? I'm sure some of them were. I'm willing to bet that at least some weren't too happy about the Golden Calves-"
Zach: "No. I meant Amy and Eric. Were they pissed that you talked about kitty?"
James: "Oh... Well, now that you mention it, I'm sure they'll never speak to me again."
*pause*
Zach: "Heh. Lucky them."