The other day, I passed one of my classmates in the hallway. I was obviously on my way to a seminar (obvious at least to anyone like him, who saw me for the past year towing my dark brown coffee mug - filled with a Toddy americano - and gently whipping my left thigh with my patented "seminar notebook" which, in theory, is for note-taking, but is hardly ever opened). Since I was obviously on my way to a seminar, however, we began an awkward exchange. We'd already seen one another, so we could ignore one another... nor could we stop for a heart-to-heart (or as close as we've ever come to one), since I was carrying my dark brown coffee mug and my patented "seminar notebook." The primeval primate desire for controlled social interaction conflicted with the cultural rules previously erected by that primeval primate desire for controlled social interaction: James must not be late for seminar.
The resulting exchange was dripping with haste:
Classmate: "Hey James."
Me: "Uh, hey."
Classmate: "Uh, how's it going?"
pause
Me: "Er... kinda okay."
pause
Classmate: "Oh... er... see ya later."
I spent the first ten minutes of seminar pretending to take notes in my "seminar notebook." But, I was really comparing what-I-said to what-I-was-expected to say. "Er... kinda okay" should've been "Just fine. And you?" Then, he should've answered "Just fine." Then, I would've gone to seminar with my Toddy americano, and he would've not gone to seminar.
I deviated from the script, and it obviously threw off my classmate's lines. A friend of mine overheard the exchange and chastized me.
Me: "Hey! I was just being truthful!"
Friend: "Truthful?"
Me: "Yeah... I mean, I'm only 'kinda okay', after all."
Friend: "Well, did he know that?"
Me: "He does now. Though I didn't have time to explain why."
Friend: "Are there multiple reasons?"
Me: "Yeah. And I didn't have time to narrow down a few juicy ones to tell him."
In the first ten minutes of seminar, I thought of all the things I could've said to expand upon "kinda okay":
1. The frustrating and painfully dramatized non-fiction account of the lost colony of Roanoke I started weeks ago, expecting a great read, and quickly reclassified under the heading "Just get it over and done with."
2. My second-ever grant application, which is due Tuesday. The first was summarily rejected with little fanfare last Spring. "Welcome to the club," my labmates reassuringly said. The quest for funding begins, but never ends. (Or, to quote the Eagles, "You can checkout any time you'd like, but you can never leave.")
3. The cat has found a variety of interesting methods to wake us each morning between 3:30 and 4:30, begging to be let out.
4. I've gained weight.
5. I came upon a chilling realization last week: Seattlites, in general, think that one cannot be "both pro-Israel and pro-Palestine," despite yours truly being a physical manifestation of the idea.
6. I've had some hearing problems lately, to the extent that a visit with my (gorgeous) physician was in order.
7. Zach, having the same physician, was jealous of #6 - and let me know it.
It was a spur-of-the-moment idea: why not, rather than engaging in the traditional small-talk, I tell him what's really going on. Not a half-hour long song-and-dance... just a quick little snapshot of my life, and what's on my mind. Apparently, though, my classmate and I are equally poor at improvisation. I, at best, assembled a "kinda okay," while he regrouped just in time to wish me well, and most likely permit sufficient introspection to vow never to speak with me again.
But still, there's an experiment here that is worth repeating. Failure once does not cement defeat - the experimental design merely requires minor modifications, and further iterations! So, if I answer your future inquiry ("How are you?") with something other than the standard fare ("Zach loathess our neighbor's dog" replaces "Just fine," for example), please, take it all in stride.
Or, if you can't, then just pretend you cannot see me.
Posted by James at August 11, 2006 09:37 PM