ISleepInADrawer.com

Entirely Unacceptable

I took a GRE Practice Test today. My scores...

Verbal: 590 (83rd Percentile)
Quantitative: 730 (80th Percentile)

Verdict: Anyone looking for a good janitor out there?

While I go by soothe-my-soul ice cream and either drink or watch an inordinate amount of science fiction, amuse thyself here, here, and here. Or, check out him, him, and him. Perhaps try here... maybe if time permits.

And please, don't quit reading this site just because I apparently lack the intelligence and the credentials to apply to graduate school.

Bend Over

I take the General GRE in twenty-two days.

My latest score on the math section practice test: 60.71%

Math, so they say, is my "good" subject.
(Ouch.)

[Since I'm supposed to be one of the "top" graduates of my college, this obviously does not bode well for my blessed Alma Mater. Luckily, there are other "top" folks out there doing better.]

The Suspense

I heard it first from Andrew Sullivan... someone on The Simpsons is coming out of the closet!

We don't know who yet. It's a regular/semi-regular on the show, and will happen this season (their 16th, I believe) during an episode where Springfield legalizes gay marriage. Of course, everyone's saying Waylon Smithers... and I sincerely hope they're wrong. What a letdown! I mean, it's hardly a secret for him, anyway.

If not Smithers, then who? There's a whole list of homo-references from The Simpsons besides Smithers. Mr. Sullivan pointed out Chief Wiggum, which isn't a bad thought... but, then again, it isn't a good thought, either. The possibilities are endless... though I think picking one of the kids (Lisa the Lesbian? Rod or Tod? And I'm not even going to go there with Maggie...) is just wrong. Perhaps Barney, Moe, or Ned Flanders? Sideshow Mel?

Well, we can all guess and re-guess until we're green in the face. But, if Smithers isn't going to come out, who will? My money's on...

Patty Bouvier!

The lesbian is on the left... Perhaps?

Twin-sister Selma has been married and divorced twice (Sideshow Bob and Troy McClure). Patty says she isn't as desperate. But I recall the Closeted Float in Springfield's gay pride parade. And who can forget what she said after seeing Homer naked: "There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality."

Am I right? Only time will tell.

[By the by, why the hell do I care so much about this? It's just a friggin' TV show!]

To the Podium

Democrats, take two:

Great Speaker Night has ended. Barack Obama is beyond amazing. Oh, how I wish wish WISH I had not left Illinois!... It is shameful and crippling to my soul that I will not get to cast a vote for him. It is shameful and crippling to my soul that I no longer reside in the Great State of Illinois.

JRU's CW:

--Too many shots of the crowd looking bored... or worse, SLEEPING. And need we see so many people walking around just because Dick Gephardt is at the podium?

--I've heard about the lives of John Kerry and John Edwards time and again. Now, let's get to the policies, shall we? We're halfway through the convention, and I promise you I'll vote Democrat come November, but please PLEASE give us (especially those undecided voters in Ohio and Florida) SOME POLICY PLANS. An outline, a few bullet points, or even some notes sketched on a napkin will suffice. Too many folks were saying, "Who's John Kerry?" Now, they're asking, "What can John Kerry do in the White House?" No vague optimisms... I want charts and graphs.

Simon Says:

Senator Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts: Eddie, my man, have you lost weight? Lookin' good, lookin' good. Less red-in-the-face and less bulging-neck. Heck, you look kind of like my father did before he dropped a ton of weight from diabetes and a severe attack of exercise. As for the speech, you are SUCH the Keeper of Democratic Orthodoxy. Some of the usual eyebrow-raising criticisms, but loved the We-Are-All-In-This-Together theme, and the John Adams prayer. I expected you to envoke Langston Hughes' "Dream Deferred" with your "dreams denied." A little poetry does wonders for the cracking voice. Unfortunately, the George III/George W. connection was laughable. But, as always, nice suit.

Representative Dick Gephardt of Missouri: You know, Dick, sometimes you scare me. If possible, sometimes you're TOO Democratic for me. I can't put my finger on it, but something about you gives me a strange Oompa-Loompa vibe. That said, pat yourself on the back for a well-written speech... although it regurgitated everything you've already said about labor unions, your blue collar background, universal health care, etc. You scared one liberal labmate of mine into thinking you're a Communist. Watch the language there, buddy. Great Dr. King quotation. Here's the scary part: Of all the politicians out there... of all of them... I identify with you most. You Southerner/Midwesterner - uncomfortable with the microphone, and uncomfortable without it. Hating and loving the limelight, yet passionately trying to make everyone love you. Here's hoping I never take interest in politics.

Senator Tom Daschle of South Dakota: Good if-we-can-rebuild-Iraq-why-can't-we-keep-up-America contrast. Like the Take-Back-the-Senate routine... But tread lightly. Bonus: I now know that those who live in South Dakota are known as "South Dakotans."

Former Ambassador Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois and Alabama: Sadly, they didn't broadcast you. How dare they skip Great Ones from Illinois.

Dr. Howard Dean of Vermont: Two words: LONG ovation. Four words: Shifty eyes, nice smile. Six words: You are obviously here to stay.

Governor Janet Napolitano of Arizona: Hellooooo, rising party star. First, let's make your state more Democratic. Next, we'll talk about Richardson-Napolitano tickets.

Senator Dick Durbin of the Great State of Illinois: Man, I love Illinois. He's one of two reasons.

State Senator Barack Obama of the Great State of Illinois, Federal Senate Candidate, and Keynote Speaker: And here's the other reason. One word: Transcendence. Another word: Humble. Active, and combining the two most critical aspects of a Great Human Being (According to James). Perfection... sheer perfection.

Ronald Reagan, Jr. of Washington: Embryonic stem cell research... not the most gripping topic for a convention, but an absolute necessity. I never thought I would hear words like "tissue culture", "dopamine", "nucleus", and "cell." It's a bit too omptimistic, since the research has been kept in its infancy. It's not as crystal-ball-clear as he would have us believe; but, as junior said, "We only need to TRY." "The theology of a few should not be used to stall the health and well-being of the many." Preach on, brother. [P.S.: Rumor has it you live in Magnolia, Seattle. Let's do lunch.]

Chris Heinz of Pennsylvania: Adorable. Momma would be proud. Thought about Congress?

Teresa Heinz Kerry of Pennsylvania: Momma IS proud. And I love you, too. Five languages, eh? French, Italian, English, Portuguese, and Spanish. I'm impressed. "Opinionated", eh? Again, I'm impressed. Immigrant, eh? You go, girl. Married to Senator Kerry, eh? Let's hear some facts, policies, figures, and a few touching anecdotes.

Hell, let's hear that from ALL of you!

Jimmy Eat World

The Democratic National Convention: "And, we're off!"

JRU's Conventional Wisdom:

--Adjustable Podium: It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now how many folks had trouble with it? Here's hoping Cleland skips it altogether and steals a portable microphone.

--Boston: Hella tight. How 'bout Cleveland next time?

--Time delay broadcast: I could do without Pacific Time.

--Glenn Close: Why?

--BeBe Winans: The National Anthem is not a funeral march. Let's pick up the tempo, shall we?

--PBS: What's with the mixing of the broadcast? Bill and Hillary speeches first, then a cut back to Gore and Carter? It's worse than a time travel episode of Star Trek: Voyager.

CW on the Speeches:
--Tammy: I actually got sick of hearing the word "Wisconsin".

--Al Gore: The ol' Veep Machine sounded a bit dry, Al. But at least you and Bill made up.

--Bill Richardson: Well-spoken introductions. Practicing for your own campaign speech, Mr. President?

--Hillary Clinton: Tempered and supportive, as expected. But please, keep that Senate portfolio a little longer.

--Bill Clinton: No kiss from Hillary? That's okay. Second Best Speech Award... and you had the crowd drooling by the end. Z's hating the Twenty-Second Amendment right about now. Kudos on the "Like Bush and Cheney, I didn't serve... but Kerry did." Thank God you shut that door before the opposition opened it. You make me proud to be born of Arkansas. And I could care less who you drop your pants for.

--Jimmy Carter: Can you be my pappaw, too? Best speech. Tempered delivery. As refreshing as crisp (unsweetened) ice tea, and wholesome like a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup.

--Barbara Mikulski: I enjoyed the Parade of Nine. Nice speech, and your typical forced delivery... but when promoting women in government, you left out five Senate colleagues from across the aisle. Sorry, Barbara, I'm a Dem, too - but they're just as important. While I'm sure Hutchison, Snowe, Collins, Dole, and Murkowski won't lose sleep over it, it's the principle of the thing, damnit. Remember, 9 + 5 = 14.

And, to my shame, I mistakenly told a co-worker from Japan that there are currently twelve women serving in the U.S. Senate, when there are really fourteen (I failed to mention Dole and Murkowski). I'm not surprised at how ashamed I am at my ignorance... I am surprised at how others, so far, are not ashamed of my ignorance in this field. As a friend pointed out...
-Friend: "James, who the hell outside of Missouri knows who Debbie Stabenow is?"
-James: "Senator Stabenow is from Michigan. Not Missouri."
-Friend: "You see! My point exactly!"

I need to get Z to run for Congress. I'd make such bitchin' oatmeal bars for spouse potlucks.

Paternal Blunders

Whilst hiking and communing with nature, Z and I eventually stumbled into heart-to-heart talks about Hopes and Dreams. I'm generally wary of my own Hopes and Dreams... I always wonder whether they really are genuine desires I have for my future and the world I inhabit... or if they're just models of a highly generalized ideal life conjured up from Society As A Whole pertaining to what-life-should-be and what-I-should-aspire-to-do-with-my-many-years-as-a-human-being. So, if I can't trust myself, you can bet that I usually take the Hopes and Dreams of Others with a substantial grain of salt.

But, I suppose communing with nature broke down my guard - and I confessed to Z my desire to sire offspring someday. Yes, to pass along my traits - deleterious, neurotic, and generally unethically perpetuated in my present physical and mental form by generations of marriage within the Anglo-Saxon and Welsh communities that call themselves my ancestry. Hell, I even have names for the little Rugrats already picked out. And yes, most of the names come from authors or characters I enjoy. But we'll save that for another time. But still, as we trudged on along trails, the scent of wildflowers must have poisoned our minds... for we found ourselves confessing our strong paternal instincts. Z's were more grounded in logic. Despite his own misgivings, I find him to be rather good with other... humans. Kids, old folks, and everything in between. No wonder he's a pseudo-politician.

I, however, have spent very little time around... young things. I've never really held responsibility over another... life... young living thing. You get the idea. I never had a pet as a child, and I'm the younger offspring to my parents. On my mom's side, I also succeed in being the youngest grandchild. On my father's side, two younger cousins were raised so far from me that I never really interacted with them. My Houseplant Success Report is 2/5 that survived under my care. As you can see, the rate at which life thrives in the vicinity of my living space is not exactly something that should support my paternal drive.

Yet, after our hiking and communing-with-nature bonding moments, I had two opportunities to prove my worth to my fellow Earthlings: a stray dog and the infant son of Z's boss.

The stray dog (Buddy) you'll hear about later... But as for Henson: Z and I had the opportunity several times today at the wedding to care for his boss' son. The kid is labelled Perpetually Happy. Hardly ever cries, always smiling, ever easygoing.

Except when I hold him.

Granted, I'm still in the kids-are-so-fragile phase that I fear the very act of touching him will bruise his flesh. The last thing I need is the DCFS locking me up for holding the kid in a manner unbecoming of a Potential Paternal. I also have this intense drive to shape his mind when I interact with him. I want to do and say things that will give him a desire to learn, and an overwhelming urge to read, read, read, read, read... I want him to be a Rennaisance Man - doing and learning all. Or at least as much as possible.

"Jesus, James. He's only ten months old."

I guess he was more interested in attempting to eat the lavender bloom stuck behind my ear. And the gravel on the pathway.

And he was interested in crying. Again. And only when I held him.

No amount of "James, don't worry... he's tired and irritable" would help. Put the kid in someone else's hands and he was as happy as a clam. And this has happened on two other occasions, too!

What do I do that makes Henson trade in his Infant Happy Meal for JRU's Grumpy Meal?!

Dejected, I've decided that, even though I can't be a father now, I can at least suggest some rockin' names to you other potential dads out there. Granted, the names are unnecessarily rooted in the likes of Jane Austen lore, some American classics, and other random novels I drool over. But hey, let me leave my mark somewhere in humanity, since my deleterious Welsh traits will shrivel with me.

But then again, not having kids leaves me more money to purchase the essentials: margaritas, Star Trek, books, and socks.

The Stuff of Lavender

Just returned from a weekend away for a wedding here...

But since that involved driving to the Peninsula (an area I greatly enjoy, but spend little time at), Z and I also decided to take side trips here, here, and here, to name a few spots. We also went lavender picking.

Pics will follow, hopefully. In the meantime, I must cope with the fact that I have to work tomorrow.

P.S.: Happy (belated) Birthday to Sam - the sexiest blogger in the Texan Republic!

Mathematics

Courtesy of the Poje and "The Daily Show"...

Never has the Constitution seemed so... dirty?

Highly Illogical

Sam was kind enough to post a link to a rather inaccurate internet quiz: Twenty Questions to a Better Personality.

My results are listed below, along with a description of "me." I'm not willing to accept this evaluation because...

I REFUSE TO BE A VULCAN.

Wackiness: 42/100
Rationality: 70/100
Constructiveness: 34/100
Leadership: 36/100

You are an SRDF--Sober Rational Destructive Follower. This makes you a Fountain of Knowledge. You are cool, analytical, intelligent and completely unfunny. Sometimes you slice through conversation with a cutting observation that causes silence and sidelong glances. You make a strong and lasting impression on everyone you meet, the quality of which depends more on their personality than yours.

You are kind of a tool, but you get things done. You are probably a week away from snapping.

Despite all the blatant inaccuracies (at least, I hope they are inaccuracies) in this evaluation, I have only enough energy to comment on two brief points:
1. My grooming is not impeccable. [My belt and shoes often fail to match. I haven't "done" my hair in three weeks. I rarely shave.]
2. I am not in good shape. [I broke a sweat today climbing a hill.]

"Snapping"?!?!... Oh, I'll show them snapping alright... I'll show them all!

(After a nap, of course.)

The Vapors

Well, believe it or not, there's a distinct possibility that my babysitting skills have actually been rejected for today. Well, not because of me, per se. But due to scheduling issues on the part of the parents. So, perhaps some other time I'll get to take these paternal instincts out for a spin.

For now, however, we're off to meet Sean and Amy in Seattle Center for Bite of Seattle.

And, since I've nothing of any substance to share, here's the list of my 28 must-see films, to accompany my recent list of highly recommended processed tree carcasses (a.k.a. books). Since, however, I've found films more difficult to rank than books, here they are in alphabetical order:

Films: JRU's Top Twenty-Eight
Alien
Amadeus
Blade Runner
Casablanca
The English Patient
Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain
Finding Nemo
Ghostbusters
Good Will Hunting
Gosford Park
Hud
JFK
Julia
Kill Bill, Volume 1
The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring
The Madness of King George
A Mighty Wind
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Royal Tenenbaums
Sense and Sensibility
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
To Kill a Mockingbird
Tootsie
2001: A Space Odyssey
The Usual Suspects
Vertigo
Young Frankenstein

Yeah... I could've included links for all of them. But wouldn't you much rather look them up on your own?

Small Versions of Adults

Oh, God... I've really gotten myself into a pickle, folks.

I volunteered to babysit on Sunday.

Frequency

Who's up for some MATH?!

The United States of America is a Constitution-based federal republic consisting of fifty states, one federal territory, and several other territories and commonwealths.

Of those fifty-one, only two recognize gay unions in some legal form. In New England, Vermont law calls for "marriage-lite" civil unions, and Massachusetts has legalized gay marriage.

2/51 x 100 = 3.92% of American primary political subdivisions recognizing homosexual unions through legal channels

Canada is an independent confederation within the Commonwealth of Nations, consisting of a parliamentary union of ten provinces and three federal territories.

Of those thirteen, three provinces (Ontario, Quebec, and British Columbia) recognize legal homosexual marriages or unions.

Oh, wait. Make that three provinces and ONE TERRITORY! Yes, the Yukon Territory has joined the ranks. Let's crunch some numbers...

4/13 x 100 = 30.77% of Canadian primary political subdivisions recognizing homosexual unions through legal channels

It's still not a majority up north. But things seem to be improving faster there than down here. Once again, Canada gets a better score than the U.S.

[Thanks to Derwin for the happy news.]

Of Mice and Men

A friend of mine from New York City provided me with the following link... and the story behind it, which I've pasted below...

The Sloganator:
"The backstory is as follows: earlier this month, the web site for the Bush-Cheney campaign - the real one, paid for by MBNA America and Richard Scaife - featured a 'create your own banner' tool, where you could enter your own slogan and print out your own poster, with the Bush-Cheney logo, and a note at the bottom 'paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc.'

"Democrats, of course, couldn't get enough of this. The original sloganator accepted everything, then it started censoring profanity and words like 'Hitler,' 'dictator,' and 'evil.' Nevertheless, many clever folks exploited the sloganator to their own ends before its sad demise only a couple of weeks after its birth, and its mourners assembled some of the best for the slide show."

I don't know if the story behind it is true or not... nor do I particularly care. I just found it, at the very least, to be a good way to kick back and vent... in a manner relaxing to my politically strung-out soul. Those of you who know me well will also be surprised by this reaction: I laughed out loud a few times. Particularly at "The First Retarded President!" and "Our God is Better Than Your God." Oh, the humanity!

Sacred Ground

Let it never be said that I am not anal retentive.

Several days ago, this particularly fascinating Canadian posted a link to his list of favorite movies. Of course, it go me thinking... what are my favorite movies? What's my all-time favorite? Why? What are my top twenty? Do I even have a top twenty? Should I even care?

Well, duh. Of course I should. For you see (and you should all pay attention here - for I'm about to tell you a James Fundamental), when the going gets tough... when things pile up... when there's a lot going on in my life [GRE, GRE Biology, billsbillsbills, new step-mother, great boyfriend, living-on-a-fault-line-within-site-of-an-active-volcano, cute neighbors, Southern blots] and the world [FMA, Kerry vs. Bush, Labour negotiations with Likud, Indonesian run-off, ICJ boos Israel, Darfur]... when there's so much I should be paying attention to... I turn my feeble little mind to Trivial Matters.

"Hmmm... What's my favorite movie?"

Well, I couldn't come up with one. I like many movies... but I can't find one that says, "Yes, this is the best one as far as I'm concerned."

Luckily, I can't say the same for books. Books have always been important to me - from The Sneetches and Other Stores and James and the Giant Peach to The God of Small Things and Interview with the Vampire. I've loved to read for as long as I can remember - though, quite frankly, I suck [I'M SLOW] at it. Thus, for no good reason whatsoever, I was easily able to come up with my favorite novels. I threw a few plays in there, too. Just... because.

PROCESSED TREE CARCASSES: JRU's Top Twenty-Six
1. The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
2. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
3. The Two Towers, J.R.R. Tolkien
4. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
5. The Songs of Distant Earth, Arthur C. Clarke
6. Persuasion, Jane Austen
7. Contact, Carl Sagan
8. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers
9. The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton
10. The Horse and His Boy, C.S. Lewis
11. Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen
12. Animal Farm, George Orwell
13. Many Waters, Madeleine L’Engle
14. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling
15. Waiting for the Barbarians, J.M. Coetzee
16. Cat’s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut
17. Tess of the d’Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
18. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
19. Macbeth, William Shakespeare
20. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
21. Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
22. Disgrace, J.M. Coetzee
23. Out of the Silent Planet, C.S. Lewis
24. The Crucible, Arthur Miller
25. Lord Jim, Joseph Conrad
26. And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie

Maybe I'll follow-up with a list of movies the next time another series of world and personal crises unfold...

The States of the Union

I am most likely a fool for complaining about this trivial issue. I mean, the election this November is likely to be a nail-biter with Bush/Cheney vs. Kerry/Edwards... But, I'm feeling a bit bored with elections on a more local front. Specifically, the Senate. Washington State, my new home, is having a dull-as-dishwater Senate election. I wouldn't complain as much... if it weren't for the fact that other states of the union seem to have pumped much more electricity into their Senate races.

Observe... and note the lessons...

Washington: Well, of course, I must begin with my own great state. Here we have Democratic Senator Patty Murray running for re-election against Mr. George R. Nethercutt, currently a Republican Congressman for Washington's fifth district (basically, Spokane and easternmost Washington). Murray has already served two terms in the Senate; Nethercutt's claim to fame is his initial election during the 1994 Republican Revolution, in which he beat then-Speaker of the House Tom Foley (D) out of his own seat. Ho-hum. It's not exactly a race to lose sleep over. The controversy isn't whether or not Senator Murray is leading over Nethercutt in current polls, but by how much. *YAWN* Lesson: we're called the Evergreen State... how about Everdull instead?

Alaska: Raise those eyebrows, boys and girls. In 1980, Three Important Things happened: Mount Saint Helens blew up in Washington, I was born in Arkansas, and Frank Murkowski was elected to the U.S. Senate from Alaska. He would serve for twenty-two years before being elected governor of his great state in 2002 - midway through his most recent Senate term. Leaving the Senate midterm, the Federal Constitution stipulates that the state executive appoint a replacement to fill the vacancy until the next election (in this case, until November 2004). So, Senator Frank Murkowski became Governor Frank Murkowski, and appointed a replacement to fill his seat... his daughter, fellow Republican Lisa Murkowski. Apparently, this move angered some Alaskans... and may have angered them enough to do something that Alaskans don't often do - elect a Democrat in an election to the federal government. Former Democratic governor Tony Knowles is challenging Ms. Murkowski for her Senate seat, and polls show them running neck-and-neck. Senator Murkowski is even facing a more conservative Republican State Senator for her party's ticket in the state primaries. She's leading in her own primary based on current polls, but Murkowski vs. Knowles is one tough cookie to call. American political drama has been known to center around famous ruling dynasties... our history is full of famous bloodlines holding top positions (Kennedy-Shriver-Schwarzenegger, Bush, Adams [John and John Q.], etc.). But, in this case, the lesson for the Murkowski clan of Alaska may be thus: don't keep it in the family.

New Hampshire: For the lesson of this New England tale, Pink Floyd said it best: "Money, so they say, is the root of all evil today." Democratic State Senator Burt Cohen was making quite a run for Republican incumbent Senator Judd Gregg's seat. Was, that is, until his campaign manager disappeared... along with most of the campaign funds. Unfortunately, all this happened days before the deadline to declare candidacy for the Senate... leaving the New Hampshire Democratic Party literally scrambling (and more-than-likely foaming at the mouth) to find a replacement to challenge Senator Gregg. The result? Doris "Granny D" Haddock - no stranger to the lessons of Pink Floyd. She is, after all, the 94-year-old New Englander made famous in 1998 for walking across the country to promote the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Bill to targed soft money contributions. I have not yet looked up poll information on "Granny D" vs. Gregg; but here's one way in which the numbers are already against everyone's favorite mammaw - she won't be listed as "Granny D" on the ballot.

Illinois: Only Borg nanoprobes could conjure up a story like the one unfolding in my former homeland (stateland?). Six years ago, Carol Moseley-Braun was finishing her first term as Senator from Illinois. The first African-American woman to serve in the Senate, many Democrats cried foul when she was narrowly defeated by Republican Peter Fitzgerald. Now Senator Fitzgerald is retiring after one term... and after fierce primary battles on both sides of the aisle, clear candidates emerged: Democrat Barack Obama vs. Republican Jack Ryan. Early polls showed Ryan trailing some behind Obama, but never fear - Jack Ryan was once married to my own personal Borg Queen: Jeri Ryan. The beauty-queen-turned-actress, most popular among dorks for her role as Seven of Nine on Star Trek: Voyager, even gave her ex-hubby an endorsement for his Senate race. But, his divorce papers didn't. After a flurry of sex club allegations (Basics: Jack and Jeri go to a sex club... Jeri's repulsed... Jack isn't), Jack bowed out. Illinois Republicans are reportedly in a scramble for a last-minute replacement... But could that replacement be Ryan himself again? I say let Jeri run. I mean, this whole ordeal can't get any more weird, and Jeri will assimilate the Senate quite thoroughly. The Lesson: in Illinois politics, watch your back, Jack.

(And yes, I'll say it: Resistance is futile, Mr. Ryan.)

Hypersensitivity

Bogged down by the woes of:
1. studying for the Washington state bar exam
2. finding a new job
3. working at his current job
4. keeping me happy.

As you can see, Z's had quite a lot on his mind lately. Thus, he was in a bit of a poor mood yesterday. I don't have much of an imagination, but wanted to do something to cheer him up. Something. For reasons beyond explaining, I couldn't cook him dinner, take him out to dinner, intice him with a sensual massage, or anything like that. He needed to study, so I opted for something simple.

As luck would have it, I pass a florist twice daily on the journey to and from work.

I'm a bit wary of flowers usually. Any fool knows how we traded in our big, sexy brains and vocal cords for a rather laughable sense of olfaction (and don't even get me started on our "sense" of taste). But, then again, I'm a sucker for thoughtful gestures... So, I figured, "What the hell... Let's see what The Flower Lady has to offer..." As luck would have it, my odorant receptors stumbled on something new and pleasing: Freesia.

Smell me... I dare you.

Small bunch in hand, I marched home and unceremoniously presented them to Z. I guess I win the Un-Romantic Award for the year; but still, he loved them. Relaxed and back in high spirits, he was able to study for the bar. Mission Accomplished.

Except it became entirely evident this morning that I am apparently allergic to Freesia. Very.

Dining Out

"Hey, Z. Senator John Edwards of North Carolina is lecturing you. He's lecturing you because you and I made a bet. I bet that Senator John Kerry of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts would pick Edwards for his running mate. And you were sure that this man would be the veep nominee. Now you owe me dinner. Here's what I'm thinking."
xo,
--J

P.S. - Just kidding!

More Testing

4, 5, 6...

Thank God. I was getting tired of seeing this woman's face every time I tried to bring up my own freaking web page.

JB: "The name's Bond... James Bond..."
DN: "Oh, what a big weapon... I'm Domain... Domain Names..."
JB: "Domain Names, eh?... And how much are you asking for?"
DN: "$8.95 a year or less, Mr. Bond."
JB: "You're overpriced. I'd rather go for Onatopp."

Miss me?

Elephant Ears

We spent most of the holiday in Gas Works Park... in the afternoon, we met my neighbors down there to help register folks to vote. It was a test in social interactions for me. I shamefully had to explain to Michael that this whole "talking to people thing" doesn't come easy to me. I'm usually humbled when I have to explain to someone how my odd shy/introverted/agoraphobic "psychosis" can sometimes make social interaction akin to chewing tacks... but for some reason, explaining it to him was especially gruelling, taxing, and quite frankly embarrassing. I only hope he won't think less of me after today.

But, that said, Z was shining, as usual, with his social interactions. I swear, he should run for political office again. And I did get some folks successfully registered.

After a late afternoon break, we crawled back to Gas Works and picked a spot on the main hill to relax, read, and people-watch. I feasted on roasted corn (must do homage to Iowa, after all), and began to appreciate another fried dough concoction related somewhat to the much-admired Funnel Cake - the Elephant Ear. Thin, fried dough buttered and sprinkled with cinnamon-sugar. Oy, so harmful... yet it seems so harmless. Though I miss the funnel cakes of my childhood adventures at fairs (avoiding clowns... I'm scared to death of them), these elephant ears are freaking addictive. We ran into Sean and Amy, thus assuaging my fears that I'm running out of friends (my friend Hadley moved to San Francisco this week... and yes... I'm missing her to death). I was encouraged yet again by the huge volume of gay couples in and around the park... I feel like I'm spoiled - I have the distinct impression I wouldn't find such a gay-friendly public atmosphere in most of the country. But hell, go with the flow.

The fireworks were fantastic, though the accompanying music was a little "blah" this year. After I sang along to "God Bless America" rather badly, I found myself saying, "They've had better years..." And then I realized, yes, it's true - they have had better years for music. And I knew this because today was my third Independence Day spent in Gas Works Park. The first time, two years ago, I was an intern thinking, "Hell, I'll never be back here... so I might as well go and do as much as I can in Seattle..." Last year, I was nearly fresh-off-the-boat (or fresh-off-the-highway) thinking, "Hell... what am I doing here?... Sh*t, man... I live here!" And now, I still live here. I'm still obviously in that big-city shock (Is Seattle even a "big city"?). Still in shock... even after over a year here. You'd think I'd get used to it. I guess I'll always be like this, to some extent.

But, that said, my country-mouse self is goin' to bed. Happy Fourth of July, U.S.A.

The Life I Lead

Me, forlorn and tearful: "I don't know what's more worrying... the fact that I'm so [expletive] weird, or the fact that you know I'm so weird and yet don't seem to be bothered by it..."
PAUSE
Z, grinning: "Yeah. That is an interesting question."

Sh*t. I think I'm beginning to fall for this guy.

The Mating Call of the Homosexual

I've long suspected this... but today, I unfortunately confirmed it:

I sing selections from South Pacific when I vacuum.

Lust

Z and I saw Spider-Man 2 last night. Better than the first, though Harry and Peter don't kiss. Sorry to spoil that for you.

MUST... TOUCH...

Lady Rataxes

Here are a few photos from Seattle's Gay Pride Parade... Good times, good people. Nice, blood-sucking liberals everywhere!! In a word: Paradise.

Dykes on Bikes! Leave it to me to get misty-eyed over lesbians riding motorscooters.

The way things are going with Bush, I think my life will depend on it...

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, passing out cake... I believe the actually won 'Best Display by a Religious Organization.

Gay AND photosynthetic... Wow, these boys have it MADE!

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my future husband. And he's wet, too.

Better Late Than Never

I'm finally getting around to posting some photographs of recent events... Pride photos are on their way (today or tomorrow), for those interested... though there are others out there with more interesting Pride stories than yours truly.

That said, here's a deer-in-headlights shot of me literally sixty seconds before Sweet Sweet Ted pierces my cartilage.

I also posted some of the more tame photographs Z took of the nude, painted bicyclists from the Solstice Parade a few weeks ago. Like I said, they're the most tame ones we have... but still, maybe you shouldn't view them at work.

I also ran into a glass door on my way to work today. Foolio.