ISleepInADrawer.com

The Helix

Why am I gay? Why aren't you (if you aren't)? Or why are you (if you are)? Everyone has their own version of an "answer."

But, by golly, it turns out that science is continuing to find proof that my answer is right!

And, just to reiterate, I love my sexual orientation.

Alma Mater

*James beams with pride*
I went there!

The Falling Sky

When I was arranging flights for my interviews, I didn't have complete control over when I'd be flying. Since UCSF and U. Iowa are paying for the flights and hotel stays, after all, I can understand that they would like to adjust the flights to properly balance cost with convenience. But, upon closely inspecting the flight schedules today (read: giving them a 30-second glance in between lab meeting preparations), I noticed something horrible:

My flights are not scheduled a reasonable times to allow me to visit the airport bar.

You see, I'm slightly afraid of heights. Well, slightly may be misleading. I get vertigo changing a lightbulb. I can look out the window of a skyscraper in downtown Seattle and admire the picturesque view of the Olympics or Mount Rainier, but don't you DARE let me look down - lest you want to hear me scream like a girl and watch every pore on my body excrete enough sweat to lube a yak.

To make matters worse, I also have issues about giving up control... you know what I mean: releasing the responsibilities of my life and well-being to another person. But, this "issue" only pops up in certain situations. I saw enough airplane disaster movies as a child to scar my soul and, when compounded with the "loss of control" issue, I have to resist the urge to ask the pilots to pass several comprehensive exams on physics, meteorology, calculus, navigation, and Israeli history (just because I think Israeli history is interesting), and submit urine and blood samples before I'll even set foot on the damn plane. And, while in the air, I'm at any time vulnerable to this crippling fear that any of the following will occur:
1. Wings fall off.
2. Engines fall off.
3. Plane is struck by comet.

The list goes on and on...

And so, you can understand why I usually need a drink or two just prior to boarding to calm the nerves. A beer or two will do fine, if I've the time. If I'm in a rush, I've even been known to do a shot of tequilla before bolting to my gate. But, since I also have issues about drinking before noon, I also avoid morning flights at all cost.

But, when flying to and from Iowa, not only will I have morning flights, I'll also barely have enough time to make my connecting flights in Dallas, let alone take time for a visit to the airport bar. Damn. For San Francisco, though, things are looking brighter. Though, one flight leaves at 11:00AM. I wonder if that's close enough to noon to allow me to stretch the drinking rule...

On a completely different note, I do believe I am the only American male in the twenty-first century who does not have sideburns. Never have, and probably never will.

Part Gay

Saturday, Zach and I finally went to see The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. The verdict: I'd recommend it, though I honestly don't know why! I believe I was laughing out loud every five or ten minutes - the movie is jam-packed with lots of Wes Anderson "What-the-f*ck?" moments that just tickle the soul. I had a similar reaction to The Royal Tenenbaums. But, at the end of Tenenbaums, I also felt like the movie... also had a point... something beyond pure entertainment and giddy "What-the-f*ck?" moments. I walked out of Life Aquatic, hand in hand with Zach, saying, "That was great!... [insert contemplative silence] Why was it made?" So, I'd recommend it... but I don't know why.

Oh! I know why! Go see it because Jeff Goldblum says, "I'm part gay."

In other news, I've worked out the travel arrangements for my interviews with UCSF and U. of Iowa. For the UW interview, I simply have to take a ten minute walk due east from my house. Even though the first interview is still weeks away, I'm starting to get a little nervous. Today, a little voice popped into my head (dare I call it "James common sense"?) that warned, "James, you cannot f*ck this up! You're lucky enough to get these interviews. Now, don't blow it!"

Sunday night, Zach and I had dinner with some friends (and friends-of-friends) - all present, with the notable exceptions of Zach and I, either had a Ph.D. in molecular/cellular biology or were well on the way to obtaining one. And, you know, they're all terrific people (I wouldn't call them friends otherwise). But, when they talk their "science talk" (whatever that is), I think to myself, "Jesus... I can't talk like that!... I couldn't even fake it!" Which should, I assume, make my interviews quite interesting/humbling.

Distortion

Sometimes, when I receive messages from a distant (NYC), yet no less cherished, friend, those messages are garbled. Poor connection, you know.

But, when the only words I can make out in the garbled message are "vagina" and "puppy food," part of me shudders to think what the hell people in New York City do for fun.

Queen Noor for President

On this latest Inauguration Day, as George W. Bush begins his final term as President of the United States of America, thoughtful Democrats (such as yours truly) are already wondering who the hell the party can field in 2008 for a possible White House bid. There are names circulation (hell, there are always names circulating), but I can't help but realize that the Republicans have about three names circulating for every one Democrat who even gave the Oval Office a passing thought while on the toilet this morning [pun intended].

I must say, I'm proud of the Economist. Last week's Lexington article covered what I'd been assuming for months now - that Florida Governor Jeb Bush (brother to the current, father to the former) is a top contender for the Republican ticket. But, let's not forget other circulating names - Frist, Perry, Gingrich... even the one-Constitutional-Amendment-away-from-being-qualified-to-run Ah-nold. But, what about the Dems? Hillary? Edwards? Vilsack? Howard *gasp* Dean?! I could worry myself into a tizzy over this. But, a lot can happen in four years... so, it's not really worth thinking about for the moment unless you're looking for a good laugh.

And, if you are... check out some un-orthodox Democratic Candidates for 2008, courtesy of the editors of Washington Monthly.

My favorite pick of the litter: Queen Noor. But what about Oprah?!

Witch Hunt

Sometimes, folks ask me why I'm a bit nervous living in a country where conservatives control
A. the White House
B. both houses of Congress

They say, "Why worry. It's not like the American people will let them get away with attacks against gays."

Perhaps. But, when the political and ideological allies of those-in-control of government move from gay marriage bans in 11 states to this utter nonsense, it gives me pause.

"SpongeBob, quit flicking your wrist like that! They're on to you!"

Side Effects

I finally paid my doctor a visit yesterday about this constant stream of headaches I've been having the past few weeks. I felt like a fool going in, but she was her usual reassuring self. I explained the symptoms, start to finish, and she even tested my coordination in a series of humbling experiments (my personal favorite was touch-your-nose-and-then-touch-the-tip-of-my-index-finger). She asked about stresses in my life, etc. But, nothing seemed to fit the pattern of stress-induced or lifestyle-induced.

She did, however, eventually conclude that the headaches are probably due to one particular overactive cranial nerve. I figured she'd just say, "It'll clear up on its own." Imagine my surprise when she instead recommends a medicine for me to take the next ten days or so. And they're cute little blue pills!

So I took one before bed, and woke up quite rested this morning... but so drowsy. I had a good, solid eight hours of sleep, but I felt like I could go on for another eight! My mouth was also dry as a bone. After Zach finally prodded me out of bed, I sluggishly began studying the two pages of drug information that the pharmacy included in my prescription. "The most common side effects include dry mouth and pronounced morning drowsiness..."

AH-HA!!!

So, slow and steady, I've been dragging my tired ass around trying to get ready for work, promising myself a cup of strong tea or a latte once I get to work, and reminding myself that, "It's not me!... it's the little blue pills!"

And I can't complain too much, since the headaches have pretty much disappeared for now. Though Zach claims my doc just prescribed placebo to get me out of her hair. Go, sugar pill!

Rhapsody

Well, I've pretty much worked out the details of my University of California-San Francisco interview. Well, except for the flight... that's... kind of important. Anyway, it's set for late February. I had to confess to the UCSF person who rang me this morning that I've never been to San Francisco. Or California, for that matter.

So, for any of you (the many of you) out there who have been to San Francisco, what should I try to do for my short time in the city? My hotel is "downtown," and I can stay up through Saturday night, if I wish. Any thoughts?

Suggestion Box

James says: "Comments gone. Deplorations must now be delivered entirely in a Suggestion Box manner. E-mail (james at isleepinadrawer dot com) or IM (ISleepInADrawer9). I'll also accept compliments."

In the meantime, I'm recovering from a Mind Twist. Just before going to happy hour at Prost! with some co-workers and Zach, a third grad program called me wanting to interview. I've spent this weekend celebrating in a manner that has become typical for me: taking Zach to shop for art supplies, beer and pizza from A New York Pizza Place, a B.L.T., reading up on Jovian satellites, browsing, and wearing a new hoodie sent to me by my sister.

The Second

Am I the only non-astronomer out there tickled pink that the Huygens Probe has apparently made a safe and secure landing on Titan (with only one sensor channel lost, apparently)?!?!

If you're scratching your head right now thinking, "What's Titan?", shame on you.

Titan is the second-largest satellite in our solar system and Saturn's largest satellite. [And if you bet me ten bucks that I don't know what the largest satellite in the solar system is, then you're losing ten bucks, baby.] Larger than Mercury, it is surrounded by a thick, orange-colored atmosphere. Previous missions have shown surface and atmospheric conditions rich in carbon-based molecules, though the average surface temperature (-180 Centigrade) is believed to be too low to support life.

And now, the European Space Agency has successfully landed the Huygens Probe (launched from the orbiting Cassini Spacecraft) on Titan's surface to gather data on surface and atmospheric conditions. My spine-tingler: an image taken during the probe's descent, about 1 kilometer from the surface, showing surface drainage into an apparent dark ocean or sea of presumed liquid hydrocarbons:

If you're still yawning, let me put this in a different perspective: we have never landed an artificial spacecraft this far from Earth before.

Forget Mars. I say: go for Titan, Io, Europa, Iapetus, and Charon!

The Great Dim

The environmentalist in me (yeah, there's one in there someplace... and he occasionally pops out to say hi) is always looking for something fresh to sink my teeth in. And this one was a surefire eye-opener:

"Why the Sun Seems to be 'Dimming'"

Based on the article's title, I initially thought it'd be some obscure, far-fetched stellar phenomenon much like what led to the Solar System's demise in The Songs of Distant Earth. But alas, it's yet another nail in the oh-God-we've-really-screwed-up-the-planet coffin. *sigh* The only solution I could think of off the top of my head (aside from immediate and drastic reduction in the levels of carbon dioxide humankind belches) was planetwide cremation: let our particulate ash remains keep up the cooling phenomenon to act as a (most likely piss-poor) cushion to the greenhouse effect. Any other bright ideas?

Two of Five

Yes, I'm still alive! But, I've been a bit busy... and I got a second grad school interview! *cartwheel*

In the meantime, check out my friend Trogdor!

"I said consummate V's! Consummate!"

Or, if you're looking for someone who simply posts more often, check these two out.

Cut the Cheese

Zach and I just resolved a row that developed earlier this evening. As odd as it sounds, the conflict had developed while Zach was slicing cheese in the kitchen. As the argument ensued, I found myself half-yelling a phrase that began, "While you were cutting the cheese..."

I wanted to laugh. Lots. But I kept my Angry Face on to... well... save face. And look tough.

So the argument goes on. We both end up inserting "cut the cheese" and other similar phrases about a dozen times each before, just as I thought I was winning, I broke down and began laughing.

Damn. I thought I was so close to proving my point.

But, then again, making up is good too.

Anticipation

I've spent most of the last few days in a sort of daze. I get up, go to work, do the science thing, rendezvous with Zach afterward, read, go to bed... get up, go to work, do the science thing, redezvous with Zach afterward, read, go to bed...

The routine is... well... routine. But, my state of mind has been the "daze" part. I've been going through the motions with this slightly tense tone underlying nearly everythought, every action. I've been feeling... anxious. In both good and bad ways. I feel as though I'm approaching another large change in my life... graduate school. I applied and such, but never really thought I'd hear much from it. But now, I've started to hear back. One interview has been offered, and rumor has it the other programs I applied to will be getting back to me (one way or the other) within the next few weeks. So, as long as the interview goes well, this could be it. I'll be moving... again. Doing the student thing... again.

So, I guess I've been wandering around with my head in the clouds. My mind hasn't been in the present much. It keeps flashing forward to the future. Or, at least, the future I'd like. I keep picturing two possibilities: grad school back in Iowa, or grad school here in Seattle. I'm switching back-and-forth between the two possibilities, much like how I used to flip channels with the remote back when I had cable.

Of course, being inexperienced with the "grad school thing", my fast foward episodes don't factor much with research, labness, and the like. Instead, I'm preoccupied with (as usual) the Little Things (or, dare I say it, the Small Things). Since I'm familiar with both Iowa City and Seattle, the Small Things are pretty easy to picture:
1. scraping ice from my windscreen after another nasty Iowa winter storm
2. playing with a cat I'd like to get
3. walks in the zoo to see (Zach's favorite) the bears or (my favorite) the primates
4. ferry rides
5. drives to Illinois on I-80 to see my mother

Just snippets, really. Nothing to lose sleep over. But, I'm starting to realize more and more that graduate school probably will be in store for me by this fall. I took a chance, went through the motions, and now I'm getting what I asked for: a chance at a Ph.D. I suppose I was naïve... I didn't really think I'd make it to this point. But now, I'm starting to imagine what could come. Moving, and all that comes with it. New people, experiences... knowledge. The prospects are quite distracting, and even a little disturbing. I've also been suffering from an unusual stream of headaches the past several days. They may be coincidental (Zach even thinks I'm somehow cutting down on my already-low caffiene intake, and that I'm merely suffering from withdrawal), or somehow connected to all that's been on my mind lately.

A friend once remarked that, when I walk, I tend to "lead" with my nose and face. That is, my posture is such that I "point my cranium forward, with the nose leading the way." She joked that this makes me (literally and figuratively) forward-looking, and that I do everything with a pronounced sense of anticipation. Another friend joked that, since I always seem to wake up anywhere between five and fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off in the morning, that I must have some sense of precongition... that I always, even when I rest, am making plans for what-is-to-come. So, I guess they were right. I'm anxiously awaiting the future. But, it also wouldn't hurt for someone to pull me back into the present!

First Thursday

Today was a quality day.

--Quick and efficient at work.
--Well-dressed attractive guy in the lab next door.
--Several mistakes, but ones I can laugh at.
--First Thursday = art galleries open late in Pioneer Square = art browsing with Rachel and Brad
--Rachel and Brad treated Zach and I to dinner at an Italian restaurant in Pioneer Square to thank us for watching their cat during the holidays. A bottle of Shiraz, hilarious stories, and good pasta... ahhhhh.

Oh yeah. I also found out today that someone wants to interview me for graduate school.
Foolio!

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday, I looked good. Or, at least, I think I did. What I was wearing defies description - it wasn't designer label, and it sure as hell wasn't expensive. But, it looked good. And it isn't what I usually wear. But, I was my best, sexy, business-like at work yesterday: knowledgeable, dependable, quick and efficient. Mr. Molecular Biology to the rescue! I was so efficient that I treated myself to dinner with Zach and a friend, and then Zach and I went home to watch Hero.

Today, I opted for my "typical" outfit - jeans and a hoodie. And I unceremoniously slipped and fell on a patch of black ice walking down Capitol Hill to work. I blame the outfit.